


send dun(c)es

by hypnagogia



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at Humor, Established Relationship, Humor, M/M, Minister for Magic Tom Riddle, Texting, Tom Riddle is a Himbo, electricity works in the wizarding world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:47:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26569033
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hypnagogia/pseuds/hypnagogia
Summary: Harry might be a seasoned drinker who managed to outdrink Sirius Black himself, but he still has his tells: mistypings.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle
Comments: 24
Kudos: 203





	send dun(c)es

**1 MARCH**

**Harry**   
_im cackling  
_ _rons flirting with a drag queen  
_19:54

 _never thot he had it in him  
_ _hes always so painfully straight??  
_ _not even 3 drinks in too  
_19:55

 _its not even 6pm  
_ _way too early  
_19:56

 **You  
** _Were you not the one telling me not to judge people?  
_19:56

 **Harry**   
_idk  
_ _was i?  
anw   
shes flirting back oh merlin  
_19:57

 _i snorted my drinks  
i can hear u laughing u bellend  
_19:58

 **You  
** _I wish I could get that pictured.  
_ _I’d frame it in my office.  
_19:59

 **Harry  
** _DBKNSKSK FUCK U  
_20:00

 _on 2nd thots  
_ _pls do??  
_20:02

 _tell me when u do it  
_ _ill b there in the cloak  
_ _trying to hold my cackle  
_ _imagine the face of ur undies  
_ _p r i c e l e s  
_20:03

 _anw ill be off in abit  
_ _ron went to the loo with miss peaches oplenty  
_ _thats her name btw  
_ _if hes not out by 5 mins ill have to check  
_20:04

 _just in case she tries sumn funny  
_ _might need to bleach my eyes after  
_ _the sacrifices i do for him  
_20:05

 **You  
** _Silencing charms, darling. Are you a wizard or not?  
_ _Also, Undersecretaries, Harry._ _Must you be so crass?  
__I have another meeting in a few minutes, too.  
_ 20:05

 _Have fun with the bleach.  
_20:06

 **Harry  
**_wanker  
_20:06

 _wait  
_ _s like 8 pm on your end innit  
_ _shoulndt u b having fancy poncy dinner instead  
_20:07

 _have fun w the meeting  
_20:08

 **You  
** _Yes, I was told of the sudden change of schedule just a minute ago.  
_ _Matter of emergency, I’ve been told.  
_20:07

 _I will, thank you.  
_20:08

 **Harry  
** _pah  
_ _10 galleon says theyll try to marry u to some prince  
_ _ppl sure like to forget that ive put a ring on ur cute arse  
_ _smh  
_20:09

 **You  
** _I’ll make sure to point that out if it’s really the case.  
_20:09

 _On a completely unrelated note, is there anything you want me to bring back?  
_ _Authentic Egyptian sand, perhaps?  
_20:10

**1 UNREAD MESSAGE**

**Harry Potter**   
_send dunes  
_23:00

* * *

Tom wrinkled his forehead then snorts. He was a little worried when Harry did not text back immediately, but clearly he was just busy drinking his trauma off. It is obvious from the bouts of mistypings. Harry might be a seasoned drinker who managed to outdrink Sirius Black himself, but even him has his tells. 

Tom will have to ask him about Ronald Weasley’s adventure once he is back in their home. It is always good to have more blackmail material on his repertoire.

He is finally in the comfort of his room, after enduring an endless barrage of thinly veiled marriage contracts in the course of the so-called _emergency meeting_ through tight-lipped smiles, cold stares, and several not-so-subtle flicks of his left ring finger. Harry was partially correct in his wager—the Egyptian officials _did_ try to arrange a marriage between him and more than one royal family member, but they were not incognisant of his marital status. Polygamous relationships are, evidently, nothing remarkable in this country.

Tom takes a deep breath— _one-two-three-four, five-six, seven—_ and lets it out.

Today is Friday. Under normal circumstances, Tom would have spent the day looking up ways to impress Harry—not a single soul in the Ministry of Magic wants to do any proper work on Fridays—and the night busy with _impressing_ Harry. Under normal circumstances, by this time, they would be tumbling on their bed, his Harry giggling under him as he kisses his way down Harry’s collarbone, mapping the moles strewn all over the golden skin.

Alas, that had not been the case. The Egyptian Ministry of Magic, who had been postponing their annual conference _three times_ , had advanced the event to _a week before the last agreed date_. Instead of indulging himself in Harry’s myriad of delighted expressions, he had to put up with revolting bird-brained politicians and their rather antediluvian political move. The whole debacle, on top of him not being in the same bed as Harry, _which was caused by the whole debacle_ , had put quite a test on his restraint. 

(A certain group of Egyptian Ministry of Magic will never be able to retain their facial hair, but nothing will be traced back to him, so all is well.)

Tom stares at Harry’s last message, musing on Harry's rather odd choice of souvenir. It is a few minutes past eleven in Egypt, and his Portkey back to England is scheduled for 8 ante-meridian tomorrow. He has time—and several favours to collect.

* * *

**TODAY**

**You  
** _Your wish is my command.  
_ _See you soon, love.  
_02:00

* * *

Harry wakes up to a dip on Tom’s side of the bed and small kisses peppered on top of his head. 

‘Wake up, sleepyhead,’ Tom murmurs on his forehead. 

Harry groans in reply. ‘S’too early,’ he tightens the hug on his bolster, his eyes scrunched shut. ‘Shouldn’t you be more knackered than I am?’

‘I slept plenty last night.’

‘If by plenty you meant three hours, then yes. I _know_ you, Tom.’

‘Three hours of sleep is a sufficient amount of sleep,’ Tom argues. Harry can feel the slight frown in his tone—he’d kiss it away, but he is way too sleepy for actions requiring actual muscle movements. ‘Up you go, darling.’

‘Noo,’ Harry whines. ‘It’s Saturday, I should be allowed to sleep in.’

‘It is Saturday, yes,’ Tom concedes, ‘but you really should wake up. The portkey is ready.’

Harry’s eyes fly open. ‘Portkey? What portkey?’

‘Why don't you find out yourself, hm?’ Tom tips his head, his lips twitching slightly.

‘Telling me to travel with a portkey with an undisclosed address, really? I’d rather not have parts of my body used for a shady ritual. No.’

Tom sniffs. ‘Do you really think I would stoop as low to do such unsophisticated rite?’

‘You _are_ obsessed with immortality.’ Harry retorts. ‘No offence, love, but I wouldn’t put it past you.’

‘Fair enough,’ Tom yields, pinching the bridge of his nose. ‘but I promise, no funny business. Do I have to make an Unbreakable Vow?’

‘Nope, because I’m still not going.’

‘ _Yes_ , you _are_ going. Must you be so difficult?’

‘Only because you refuse to say where we are going. No.’

‘It is called a surprise for a reason. Yes.’ 

‘I said what I said. No.’

‘Yes.’

‘No—fine, _yes_ , stop pouting,’ Harry glares at him. ‘You should stop using that to get me to do things, manipulative git.’

‘It’s super effective,’ Tom deadpans. 

Harry throws his bolster at Tom’s face.

* * *

‘Tom, why are we in the middle of a desert?’

‘I am afraid I have yet to find a way to have sand dunes transported to our home,’ Tom mumbles, chagrin clear on his tone, ‘so for now, a portkey will have to do.’

‘Wh—’

'But worry not. The papers are handled as we speak—it should be ready by the time we are back home. Feel free to name it whatever you want. I had to pull a few strings, but here it is,' Tom says proudly, his chest puffing out slightly, ‘as you wished.’

Harry blinks, his mouth agape.

Five seconds pass.

Tom stares expectantly at him. ‘Well?’

‘What the _fuck_ , Tom.’

**Author's Note:**

> extra:  
> ‘I forgot to tell you this earlier, what with the sand dunes mess—stop pouting, damn it, it’s not my fault you thought the typo was in _send_ and not _dunes_! Anyways. Miss Peaches O’Plenty? The one from Ron’s birthday bash? That was Draco.’  
> \---  
> this has been revamped for so many times i feel like i need to get it out of my system soon or else i might actually explode. it's 5 am so there will be mistakes—will edit them once I'm fully awake and who knows! maybe i will revamp it again!


End file.
